


forgiveness

by crayolasfic



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Gen, POV Katara (Avatar), the southern raiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 13:34:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15797577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crayolasfic/pseuds/crayolasfic
Summary: Katara's journey to forgiving Zuko.A Southern Raiders fill-in fic: some of the scenes we didn't see between the scenes that we did.





	forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Zutara Week 2018 and originally posted on my tumblr, but I thought I'd bring it here. It's my first Zutara fic, and I hope you enjoy!

_after the argument_

Katara woke in the morning to the muffled sound of waves crashing in the distance outside her tent. She was thankful to wake up to such a peaceful sound, a welcome change from yesterday’s wake-up attack. She furrowed her brow and closed her eyes again at the thought.

As she sat up and stretched the sleep away, she remembered Zuko's joking words to Aang from last night -  _I could chase you around for a while and try to capture you._  Everyone had laughed along, but Katara couldn't believe her ears. She couldn't believe he could have the audacity to make that joke, that everyone  _else_  could have the audacity to find it  _funny,_  when just that very morning they'd experienced exactly what Zuko used to put them through on a regular basis. Katara huffed out angrily as she got up.

Reaching over for her day clothes, she felt her eyebrow twitching, thinking of his words to her later that night.  _Everyone else seems to trust me now, what is it with you?_  Katara wished she could put him in her shoes, make him feel how quickly and deeply she had trusted him in the caves, make him feel how much it had  _hurt_  for him to just betray that trust not ten minutes later. Maybe then he'd understand. She rolled her eyes at that thought.  _He could never understand._

As she pulled her tunic over her head in the midst of her frustration, it got stuck, and then her hair got caught in her necklace, and the necklace reminded her of her mother and of Zuko mentioning his own mother and of  _stupid, dumb, traitor, stupid Zuko -_  and she wrestled to get the fabric over her head without pulling her hair out or pulling the necklace off, and by the time she struggled through it she wanted to punch something.

She closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath through her teeth before letting it out slowly. She wasn't going to let Zuko ruin her day like this, not for a second day in a row. After a few deep breaths, listening to the waves in the distance again, letting herself clear her mind, she felt calmer again. She looked around for a hairbrush, which she realized was in her pack, which she then remembered she'd left outside last night. She stepped forward to exit her tent...

Just to be met with an exhausted-looking firebender waiting right outside. Katara glared down at him and crossed her arms. She couldn't understand why he was so persistent - she  _hated_ it.

"You look terrible," she spat, walking to her bag and reaching in for the brush.  _Just ignore him,_  she thought to herself.

"I waited out here all night," he explained, and she surpressed the urge to roll her eyes as she brushed her hair.

"What do you want?" She conceded, if only to get him to leave her alone.

"I know who killed your mother." This, finally, made Katara freeze. "And I'm going to help you find him."

She turned toward him, not expecting that at all. Could he really know...?  _No,_  she thought. She couldn’t let herself get her hopes up like this. She furrowed her brow and glared at Zuko, suspicious.

"What are you talking about? How could you possibly know something like that?"

"Sokka told me about the soldiers that came to your village the day she was killed."

"So? It was a Fire Nation raid that happened years ago, it could be anyone.”

"He told me about the sea ravens on the flags of the ships. I know who those ships belong to. They're called the Southern Raiders, they still exist, and I know how to find them."

Katara froze again, her mind racing, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. "Are you sure?"

Zuko nodded. "Positive." His stare was unwavering.

She stared at him for a moment in shock. The man who killed her mother... he was out there, and she could find him.

She took in a deep breath before frowning at Zuko again and speaking decidedly.

"Come on, we're going," she demanded, before turning around and heading towards Appa, pushing her way past Zuko. She heard him stand there for a moment in silence, before picking up her bag and following.

 

* * *

 

 

_after the first attempt to leave_

Katara felt her blood pulsing in anger as she stormed back to her tent. She pushed the fabric aside aggressively and threw her pack down on the ground, fuming. She could believe Aang might be against this, but Sokka too? And it wasn't just the fact that they were against it, it was the idea that she could just ignore the possibility to confront the man who’d killed her only mother, and just do nothing, just  _forgive_  him instead.

As if she could ever forgive someone like that.

She felt like screaming. After  _years_  of grief and anger and nightmares, now she finally had the chance to face her mother's killer, the man who took her mother away before she ever had the power to stop him, and now that chance was being taken away from her before it had even begun.

 _No,_ she thought to herself, deciding right then and there that they wouldn’t stop her.  _Not on my watch._

She heard fabric rustling at the entrance of the tent, and turned to see Zuko peeking in through the entryway to check on her. She glared at him.

"We're going anyway," she demanded before he could say anything.

Zuko huffed out an almost-laugh. "I know." Katara raised an eyebrow at him, not really expecting it to be that easy. "I'll meet you and Appa after dark."

Katara stared at him for a moment, before furrowing her brow seriously and nodding. He nodded back before letting the tent opening fall shut and leaving - to where, she didn't care.

Throughout the day, she was filled with anxiety - not the fearful, uncertain kind of anxiety, but the anticipatory, on-edge kind, the kind that made her whole body restless and gave her the constant urge to just run to Appa and take off. She tried her best to hide it during training and sparring sessions with Aang, but it was almost impossible. She knew that man, that  _monster,_  was out there now, and to be expected to wait until nightfall to sneak away to find him was almost unbearable.

At dinner, as the sun was setting, she could barely eat. Her eyes kept flitting up to the sunset, willing it to go down faster, then to Zuko, who gave her a patient glance in return every time, then back down to her untouched bowl of rice, which she picked at impatiently.

She glanced over at Toph, who  _must_  have been able to feel how restless and impatient she was, and was surprised that she hadn't said anything all day. Whatever Toph’s reasoning was, Katara was grateful.

She  _needed_  to do this.

After a while the sun finally disappeared, but no one moved to leave. They continued talking, telling stories, joking; at one point they started an entire conversation about where Aang's training was at, and Katara felt like she was going to go insane with anticipation.

 _Finally,_ as the fire died down, everyone said goodnight and headed off to their tents, and she gave Zuko a look. He gave her a small nod in return, pointing with his eyes to where Appa was resting, and she nodded back before heading off to her own tent to gather her things and wait for everyone to fall asleep.

In the privacy of her tent, she checked and re-checked her pack multiple times to make sure she had everything. After what she felt was a decent amount of time for everyone to settle down and fall asleep, she slung her pack around her shoulder and stepped out of her tent, finding herself face to face with Zuko. She took a step back and glared at him, and this time he at least had the decency to look embarrassed at being caught.

"You ready?" he whispered.

"Let's go," she asserted quietly, and pushed past him again on her way to Appa.

 

* * *

 

 

_after she tells him_

"Your mother was a brave woman."

"I know."

Katara held her grasp on the pendant around her neck for a few long moments, her final memories of her mother still replaying through her mind. She could feel the cold southern wind on her face as if she were running through it to find her now, could hear the last words she'd ever said to her as if they'd just been said.  _Go find your dad, sweetie. I'll handle this._ She must have known the danger she was in, the danger Katara would've been in if she'd stayed.

Her mother  _was_  a brave woman, Katara thought sadly. The bravest she'd ever known.

Suddenly she felt something brush her right side, and looked up to see that it was Zuko, accidentally brushing against her as he moved to sit down beside her on Appa's head. For a moment she'd forgotten he was there - she'd almost forgotten where she herself was. She tensed a bit and looked back out at the horizon, refusing to look at him. Her hand lowered from her necklace back down to Appa's reins as Zuko sat beside her in silence.

If it were anyone else - Sokka, Aang, maybe even Toph on a good day - she might've expected to feel a hand on her shoulder, or hear a word of support or a question of how she was feeling. But Zuko didn't do any of those things. He just sat there next to her, staring out at the sea, quietly understanding.

_That's something we have in common._

She looked down at the reins in her hands, the tension in her body slowly dissolving, as she remembered his quiet words from months ago.

She should've been angry, remembering the night he'd betrayed them all, betrayed  _her._  She  _was_ angry. But with the sun setting in the distance, the clouds turning pink, and the memory of how there came to be any trust to betray in the first place, she couldn't help but feel Zuko's silent support beside her now. And she had to admit that now, and even back then, it felt completely sincere.

Comforting, almost.

In the silence, curiosity got the best of her.

"How did your mother die?" She asked quietly, still not looking at him.

She felt him tense a bit, maybe at the question itself, maybe out of surprise to hear her asking it. He thought for a moment before answering.

"She didn't- or, at least, I don't  _think_  she died. She was banished," he explained carefully.

Katara listened at Zuko’s story - his father’s greed for the throne, his grandfather’s fury. When Zuko told her that his father was going to have kill him - that he was  _going_ to do it - she looked up at him, horrified, suddenly hyper-aware of his scar - of how he’d gotten it - of how she’d once offered to try and heal it.

When he explained his mother’s sacrifice - her plan to kill Fire Lord Azulon so that her son would be spared, no matter the cost to her, to her family, to her country - Katara stared on in complete silence.

"The last time I ever saw her was the night she left.” Zuko’s voice was quiet now; mourning. “She came into my room and she told me... 'never forget who you are.' But... I was half-asleep, and confused. When I woke up the next morning... she was gone."

Katara looked back down solemnly, silently, as she took Zuko's words in. His mother had risked everything - everything in the world, everything that she had - to save her son.

Just like her own mother had done for her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered after a long silence. "Your mother was very brave, too."

She looked up at Zuko again, and he finally turned his head up to meet her gaze. A silent moment of complete understanding passed between them, and he offered a small, sad smile, which she then returned.

"You really should get some rest," Zuko insisted when the moment passed. "You look exhausted."

He was right. She  _was_  exhausted, physically and emotionally. And though ten minutes ago she couldn't let go of her distrust in him enough to go to sleep and let him fly the rest of the way... now she was at least too tired to fight it.

Katara nodded after a moment, and he reached over to take the reins from her hands. She gave Appa a small pat on the head, who let out a low grumble as she crawled back to the saddle.

As Zuko continued to fly to their destination, Katara laid down, closed her eyes, and fell asleep thinking of her mother.

 

* * *

 

 

_after the moment of truth_

The walk back to Appa was spent in silence. As the rain poured down, Katara let Zuko help her up into the saddle and then wordlessly hand her a blanket from his pack. She didn't do anything with it, so he wrapped it around her shoulders for her, before climbing onto Appa's head and taking off.

Katara watched the trees get smaller and the grey clouds get closer, felt the rain slowly let up as they ascended, her thoughts whirling.

She felt as though the last few hours hadn't really happened to her, as if she'd been watching herself from the sidelines in a half-awake state. Confronting her mother's killer was something she'd never even considered would be possible, nor was the idea of leaving him in anywhere near a state of well-being if she did. But here she was, post-confrontation, and there he was, still breathing on that wretched island.

She didn't know what to think. She'd never expected to see anything but monstrosity and pure evil in the eyes of the man who murdered her mother. Her mother, who'd been everything to her. Her mother who had raised her, who'd taught her right from wrong, who'd showed her and Sokka to penguin-sled, who'd cared for their family and loved them each unconditionally, who'd helped Katara try to learn any amount of waterbending possible even though she wasn't a bender herself. Her mother, who had protected her to her last breath, who had actively sacrificed her life so that her daughter's would be spared.

But what she saw in the eyes of that man, those eyes that had haunted her nightmares for years, wasn't monstrosity, it wasn't pure evil. It was nothing. They were the eyes of a man who killed not because he gained a sick joy from it, but because he didn't care one way or the other whose life he took, whose lives he ruined in the wake, whose soul had been damaged beyond repair by taking that life.  _Pathetic and sad and empty,_  she'd called him, and it was true. He could kill others not because it made him feel good, but because it didn't make him feel anything at all.

Staring out at the waves on the sea, she mused that maybe this was why she couldn't bring herself to kill him. She felt things, whether she wanted to or not. Passion, love, rage, joy. Sorrow, at the loss of her mother. Guilt, at bloodbending, at taking someone's will away. She felt things, and taking someone's life, no matter who they were, would have hurt  _her._ And this journey was not about him, or anyone else. It was about her.

Pathetic, sad, empty - these things were simply not who she was.

And, she realized - glancing at his silhouette in the sunset - not who  _Zuko_  was.

Zuko was many things. And he'd  _done_  many things - to her, to the people she loved. But he was not that man. He was not pathetic - he was lost. He was not empty - he was full of all sorts of emotions, whether he showed them or not. He  _was_  sad - but not in the empty way that Yon Rah was - in the broken way that  _she_  was, in the way that anyone would be if the person they loved most in the world was suddenly taken from them.

Yes, he had betrayed her trust before. But he felt guilt, he felt remorse, he felt the pain of it, and he felt the desire to gain that trust back. And he'd shown it, every step of the way. He'd heard her anger and pain and found a way to remedy it - not just to be forgiven for his own sake, but to genuinely make amends, to  _let_ her forgive him; for her sake. And Katara realized that maybe his persistence in trying to make those amends wasn't out of selfishness, but the opposite. He was persistent because he cared, because he felt the same anger and pain as she did, because he could do something about it for her and because he wanted to - and his persistence, his stubbornness, that she had so hated before, now just reminded her of herself.

And he was there for her. Not just to help her find Yon Rah, not just as a second body on the mission, but emotionally, he was  _there_  for her. He understood, in a way none of her other friends could have, why she needed to come, what she needed to do. And unlike the others, he trusted her to make whatever choice was right for  _her._  He didn't judge, he didn't pry, he didn't try to make any of it about his own life, his own choices. He didn't pressure her one way or the other, to kill or spare anyone. He was just there for help. For support. To be there, if she needed him, if she asked.

In a way that, she realized, no one else  _could_ be. Because with no one else did she share such a deep, immediate understanding. He trusted her completely - he'd been there on this whole journey, seen everything she'd done, seen all her anger and hurt and darkness that she tried so hard to keep inside - that she could've turned on him at any moment had she felt the need, and he knew as much. He'd even seen her bloodbend, something she knew he couldn't possibly have known about before, and said nothing, asked nothing. But he was there for her, he helped her, he didn't question or lecture her - because he trusted her.

And as the sun disappeared below the horizon, she realized that she had begun to trust him, too.

She awoke sometime later to a hand on her shoulder. Groggy, she looked up to see Zuko kneeling next to her, shading the light of the late morning sun from her eyes. She didn't know when she'd fallen asleep, or for how long - overnight, at least - but she was grateful for the rest.

She sat up and yawned, and all the memories and feelings of the day before came rushing back to her. She kept her eyes shut for a few moments, and when she finally opened them, she noticed that they were on a beach - it looked deserted, but there was a house not too far in the distance. One thing was sure - it was  _not_  the rocky cliffside they'd departed from a week before. "Where are we?" she asked, sleep still in her voice.

"Ember Island," Zuko replied. "My family owns a house here, but no one comes to it anymore. Its closer to the Capital than where we were before, and it'd be a better place for everyone to stay than in tents, so I thought we'd stop here and check it out before going back for everyone else." He paused. "Plus, I... I figured you might want some more time alone to... you know. Process everything, before everyone hounds you with questions."

Katara looked over at him and just... blinked. She had no idea how he knew her so well, how he knew what she needed so easily, without her telling him, without having to ask. But she was grateful. And a week ago, she might've been suspicious at him bringing her here to a fire nation beach alone, but now, after what they'd just been through together...

All she could do was nod in response.

They got up and out of Appa's saddle, and walked a short distance along the beach to make sure no one was there. At first Zuko insisted she stay behind, but she wanted to stretch her legs, to do something to distract herself. So she walked with him in silence as he checked every place he knew there might be visitors, however unlikely - "just in case".

She appreciated his visible effort to keep her and her friends safe.

When they deemed the beach empty and got back to Appa - who was resting near a short, broken dock on the shore - Katara stopped. She raised a hand to pet Appa absentmindedly and looked out at the rippling water, unable to keep her thoughts away from the previous day. Appa let out a contented roar. After a moment, Zuko came up behind her.

"I'm going to go check the house. I'll be right back, okay?"

She glanced back at him and gave him a half-smile of acknowledgement, nodding. He stared at her for a moment, as if to silently make sure she was okay, and when she just stared back in response, he hesitantly turned around and started toward the house.

Katara looked back out to the water and sighed, now resting her head against Appa. She still couldn't understand how Zuko, who could be so awkward, so unused to being friends with people, so slow to connect, was somehow so attuned to her, so easy for her to connect with. She'd been alone with him for maybe a few hours before they'd bonded the first time, and now it'd been just a few weeks since he'd joined their group - during most of which he hadn't even been around her - and the two of them were already communicating without words. It confused her. A month or two ago, it would've scared her.

But mostly, it just felt nice - to be so natural with someone; to not have to pretend; to not feel like she had to hide anything, because he didn't have anything to hide, either. They somehow understood each other, on a level that she didn't share with anyone - no matter how close she was to them, how much she loved them; not Aang, not Toph or Suki, not even Sokka. She'd never felt it before, and to be honest, it just felt... nice.

Katara pushed herself gently off of Appa's side and walked toward the short pier. She watched her own feet as she walked slowly to the end of it, and when she got there, she sat down at the edge, dipping her feet in the water. With all her thoughts of how Zuko had helped her, she couldn't help but realize how he'd helped everyone else, too. He was training Aang in firebending, a crucial task that no one else in the world would probably be willing to do, and taking it seriously. He'd helped Sokka with a prison break and risked his own safety in the process. In doing do, he'd helped return her father and Suki back safely.

Her father... she hugged her arms around her middle self-consciously as she realized Zuko had helped her with both of her parents now. That was something he might never be able get in return - not from her, not from anyone.

Katara wished, for a moment, that somehow she could.

A few minutes or hours or days later - she wouldn't have been able to tell the difference - she heard Zuko's slow footsteps approaching behind her.

"The house is safe.”

"Good," she replied, still looking out at the water. She closed her eyes, feeling the ocean mist on her skin, and took in a deep breath, the water a comforting, familiar presence.

The old wood of the dock creaked as Zuko kneeled down next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" He finally asked, quietly.

Katara waited a moment before opening her eyes and looking back at him. There was real concern in his eyes, and finally she felt something in her heart unlock. She gave him a small, grateful smile and nodded.

He returned her smile with a gentle one of his own, one that she was starting to notice he only showed around her. She looked back out at the water.

"Do you think you're ready to go get the others?" Zuko asked after a moment.

"Actually... would you mind if I waited here?" She asked, her voice uncharacteristically small.

"Of course not," he answered, understanding in his voice. He squeezed her shoulder gently and moved to stand up, but she brought a hand up to cover his and held it there for a moment. She looked back up at him where he was frozen, still kneeling, a question in his expression. It was then she noticed the bags under his eyes - or, his  _eye_  - he still hadn't slept.

She almost wanted to protest and tell him she'd go back for their friends instead, but she knew somehow that he'd insist he was fine to go anyway, and selfishly, she really wanted to just stay here. It wouldn’t be  _too_  long a journey to gather everyone, right?

It could be his final step, she decided, in earning her forgiveness.

Katara gave Zuko a grateful smile, which he returned again.

"Thank you," she said in an almost-whisper.  _For everything._

He squeezed her shoulder gently again. "I'll be back with everyone by tonight," he said as he stood up, for real this time, and their hands didn't part until they had to and he was walking away.

Katara turned her gaze back out to the water, listening to Zuko's retreating footsteps behind her, to the gentle waves crashing against the rocks and the pier. She heard a distant "Yip-yip" a few moments later, followed by a growl and the sound of Appa taking off. And as she watched Appa fly overhead, across the sky, and beyond the horizon, she didn't think about the questions she'd be asked, or the approval or disapproval she'd get from anyone for her actions. Instead, she thought about her mother. She thought about Zuko. She thought about forgiveness.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you ever notice that the place they go to in the beginning of this episode after leaving the Western Air Temple is NOT Ember Island, and that at the end Katara's sitting on the dock alone when Zuko flies everyone else on Appa to her? Because I sure didn't, not until my last rewatch, and the idea of that in-between travel was what inspired this entire fic. Then I realized a lot of other things that would've been amazing to see in the episode and it grew from there.


End file.
